Spoof (Contoh untuk Tugas Bahasa Inggris)
Tadi pagi pas jam pelajaran bahasa Inggris gurunya lagi repot sebagai gantinya kita diberi tugas untuk menulis contoh spoof . Mungkin ada yang senasib, dan membutuhkan sedikit bantuan. Maka kamu datang pada tempat yang tepat. Silakan disedot sebelum cendolnya lembek gan. Eh, kalo bisa share ke temen-temen yang lain. Gak boleh pelit ya soalnya ada banyak contohnya di bawah ini.
Once a man was walking in a park when he across a penguin. He took it to a policeman and said; “What should I do?” The policeman replied; “Take it to the zoo!”.
The next day, the policeman saw the man in the same park. The man was still carrying the penguin. The policeman was rather surprised and walked up to the man and asked; “Why are you still carrying the penguin? Didn’t you take it to the zoo?” The man replied; “I certainly did. And it was a great idea because the penguin really enjoyed it. So, today I am taking it to the movie”.
The king wanted to test Abu Nawas’ smartness. So he invited Abu Nawas to the palace. “You want me, your Majesty?” greeted Abu Nawas. “Yes, you have fooled me three times and that’s too much. I want you to leave the country. Otherwise you will have to go to jail” said the king. “If that is what you want, I will do what you said” said Abu Nawas sadly. Then “Remember, from tomorrow you may not step on the ground of this country anymore” the king said seriously. Then Abu nawas left the king palace sadly.
The following morning the king ordered his two guards to go to Abu Nawas’ house. The guards were very surprised found Abu Nawas still in his house. He had not left the country yet. Instead leaving the country, Abu Nawas was swimming in small pool in front of his house. “Hey Abu Nawas, why haven’t you left this country yet? The king ordered you not to step on the ground of this country anymore, didn’t he?” said the guards. “Sure he did” answered Abu Nawas calmly. “But look at me! Do I step on the ground of this country? No, I do not step on the ground. I am swimming on the water” continued Abu Nawas.
The guards were not able to argue with Abu Nawas so they left Abu Nawas’ house and went back to the palace. The guards reported what they had seen to the king. The king was curious on Abu Nawas’ excuse not to leave the country. Therefore the king ordered his guard to call Abu Nawas to come to the palace.
Abu Nawas came to the palace on stilts. The king wondered and said “Abu, I will surely punish you because you haven’t done what I have said. You have not left this country”. The King continued “And now, look at you. You walk on stilts like a child. Are you crazy? The king pretended to be furious.
“I remember exactly what you said, Your Majesty” Abu Nawas answered calmly. “This morning I took a bath in the small pool in my house so that I had not to step on the ground. And since yesterday, I have been walking on this stilts. So you see, Your Majesty, I do not step on the ground of this country”. The king was not able to say anything.
One day Nasreddin had been invited to the dinner party. He went to the party by wearing old clothes.
When he arrived in the party, nobody looked at him and nobody gave him a seat. He got no food in the party so he went home and change his clothes
Next he put on his best clothes. He wore his newest coat and went to the party again. The host at once got up and came to meet him. The host offered him the best table and gave him a good seat and served him the best food
Nasreddin sat and put off his coat. He put his coat and said; “Eat the food, Coat!” the hosts and guests were very surprised and asked Nareddin; “What are doing?” Nasreddin replied calmly; “When I came here with my old clothes, nobody looked at me. Then I went home and put on my best clothes. I came back in my newest coat and you all give me this best food and drink. So, you give food to my coat instead of me”. Getting Nasreddin’s answer, they just shook the head.
A man from the country side Went to a city. It was his first time visiting the city, so the city’s view with all the flashy technology Shocked uterus very much.
While roaming the city’s shopping center, he found a red building That was soo big! He wanted to go inside the building, so he excitedly walked up to the building and found Himself face to face with a shiny metallic door. On the door was an ‘open’ sign. He was Surprised, this building is an oven? He mistakenly stores the sign ‘open’ as ‘oven’.
In cue with this mistake, a white man opened the door and ENTERED the building. And then five minutes later, the metallic door opened revealing a black man!
When another white man, Came to enter the building, the country-side man stopped from entering uterus. He said, “Do not go in there! That building is an oven!”
One day a clown was visiting the zoo and attempted to earn some money by making a street performance. He acted and mimed perfectly some animal acts. As soon as he started to drive a crowd, a zoo keeper grabbed him and dragged him into his office. The zoo keeper explained to the clown that the zoo’s most popular gorilla had died suddenly and the keeper was fear that attendance at the zoo would fall off. So he offered the clown a job to dress up as the gorilla until the zoo could get another one. The clown accepted this great opportunity.
So the next morning the clown put on the gorilla suit and entered the cage before the crowd came. He felt that it was a great job. He could sleep all he wanted, played and made fun of people and he drove bigger crowds than he ever did as a clown. He pretended the gorilla successfully.
However, eventually the crowds were tired of him for just swinging on tires. He began to notice that the people were paying more attention to the lion in the next cage. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he decided to make a spectacular performance. He climbed to the top of his cage, crawled across a partition, and dangled from the top to the lion’s cage. Of course, this made the lion furious, but the crowd people loved it.
At the end of the day the zoo keeper came and gave him a raise for being such a good attraction. Well, this went on for some time, he kept taunting the lion, the audience crowd grew a larger, and his salary kept going up. Then one terrible day happened. When he was dangling over the furious lion, he slipped and fell into the lion cage. The clown was really in big terrible situation. He was terrified.
Sooner the lion gathered itself and prepared to pounce. The clown was so scared. He could do nothing and he began to run round and round the cage with the lion close and closer behind. Finally, the lion could catch him. The clown started screaming and yelling, “Help me, help me!”, but the lion was quick and pounces. The clown soon found himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and suddenly he heard a voice from the lion’s mouth;”Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?”.
Mathilde Loisel was one of those pretty and charming girls born,and she let herself be married off to a little clerk in the Ministry of Education. One evening her husband came home with a large envelope in his hand, an invitation card:
“The Minister of Education and Madame Ramponneau request the pleasure of the company of Monsieur and Madame Loisel at the Ministry on the evening of Monday, January the 18th.”
Instead of being delighted, she flung the invitation petulantly across the table, murmuring.
“Why, darling, I thought you’d be happy. You never go out, and this is a great occasion.”
She looked at him out of furious eyes, and said impatiently: “And what do you suppose I am to wear at such a party?”
Her husband had not thought about it. But soon he had bright idea and exclaimed “Why don’t you go and see Madame Forestier and ask her to lend you some jewels. “
She uttered a cry of delight. “That’s true. I never thought of it.”
Next day she went to see her friend. Madame Forestier went to her dressing-table, took and opened a large box. Her heart began to beat covetously. She discovered a superb diamond necklace. Her hands trembled as she lifted it. She fastened it round her neck, upon her high dress, and remained in ecstasy at sight of herself.
The day of the party arrived. She was the prettiest woman present, elegant, graceful, smiling, and quite above herself with happiness. All the men stared at her, inquired her name, and asked to be introduced to her. She left the party about four o’clock in the morning. Arriving at home, She took off the clothes. But suddenly she uttered a cry. The necklace was no longer round her neck. So her husband returned to the party to find the necklace but he had found nothing. His face lined and pale. “You must write to your friend,” he said, “and tell her that you’ve broken the clasp of her necklace and are getting it mended. That will give us time to work and get money to replace the necklace”
She came to know the heavy work. She washed the plates, dirty linen, the shirts and dish-cloths, and hung them out to dry on a string. Every morning she took the dustbin down into the street and carried up the water, stopping on each landing to get her breath. She went to the fruiterer, to the grocer, to the butcher, a basket on her arm, haggling, insulted, fighting for every wretched halfpenny of her money. While her husband worked in the evenings at putting straight a merchant’s accounts, and often at night he did copying at twopence-halfpenny a page. This life lasted ten years and they had enough money to to buy and replace the necklace.
She went to meet Madame Forestier.
“You remember the diamond necklace you lent me?. Actually I lost it”
“How could you? Why, Well, you meet me to return the necklace now?”
“Yes, I bring you another necklace just like it. And for the last ten years we have been working hard for it. You realise it wasn’t easy for us; we had no money. Well, it’s paid for at last, and I’m glad indeed.”
Madame Forestier smiled in proud and innocent happiness. She deeply moved and said; “Oh, my poor Mathilde! But mine was imitation. It was only worth at five hundred francs!”
Sure, there are some pretty stupid criminals out there. Yet this excerpt from a Washington Post article proves that not all criminals are dumb – in fact, some are so clever that the Post labeled this article, “The Best Comeback Line Ever”
In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday.
Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.
The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. “You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn’t,” he stated in a phone interview.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, Picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his need. “I guess I was just really into it, you know?” he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him. “It was an unusual situation, that’s for sure,” said Officer Taylor. “I walked up to (Lawrence) and he’s… just working away at this pumpkin.”
Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. “I just went up and said, ‘Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?’ He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said, ‘A pumpkin? Darn…is it midnight already?”
Soon after he left college, Dave found one of his uncles who was very rich and had no children of his own died and left him a lot of money, so he decided to set up his own real estate agency.
Dave found a nice office. He bought some new furniture and moved in. he had only been there for e few hours when he heard someone coming toward the door of his office.
“It must be my first customer” Dave thought. He quickly picked up the telephone and pretended to be very busy answering an important call from someone in New York who wanted to buy a big and expensive house in the country.
The man knocked at the door while this was going on. He came in and waited politely for Dave to finish his conversation on the phone. Then the man said to Dave; “I am from the telephone company and I was sent here to connect your telephone”
There was a man who liked money very much. He worked all of his life and wanted to save all of his money for his own future. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything.
Even, just before he died, he said to his wife; “Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife.” So he asked his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.
Well, one day, he really died. Then he was stretched out in the casket. The wife was sitting there in black clothes next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said “Wait just a minute!”
She had a box in her hands. She came over with the box and placed it in the casket. After that the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. Not long after that, her friend said, “I hope you were not crazy enough to put all that money in the casket.”
The wife turned to her friend and replied; “Yes, because I have promised.” Then she continued; “I can’t lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.” Feeling shocked, her friend said; “You mean that you have put every cent of his money in the casket with him?” Then the wife answered; “Surely I did. I got it all together, put all the money into my account and I just wrote him a check.”
A guy was having marital problems. He and the wife were not communicating at all and he had lonesome so he went to a pet store thinking a pet might help.
In the store he came to parrots. As he wandered down the rows of parrots he noticed one with no feet. Surprised he mutters “I wonder how he hangs onto the perch?”
The parrot said “With my prick, you dummy.”
The guy was startled and said “You certainly talk well for a parrot.”
The parrot said “Of course, I’m very well educated. I can discuss politics, sports, religion, most any subject you wish.”
The guy said “Gee, you sound like just what I was looking for.”
Then the guy bought the parrot and for three months things go great. When he came home from work the parrot told him about the recent and hottest news.
One day the guy come home from work and the parrot waved a wing at him and said “Come in and shut the door.”
The guy said “What’s up?”
The parrot said “I don’t know how to tell you this, but the mailman came today. I saw
that your wife answered the door in her transparent gown and he kissed her right on the lips.”
The guy said “He did? Did you see?”
The parrot said ” Yes, Then he pulled her gown down… and …..”
“My God, what happened next? “The guy said curiously to know next.
Then the parrot replied “I don’t know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch.”
American & Russian Submarines
German fisherman was at the sea with a small boat. After some time American submarine surfaced near him.
The captain asked the fisherman: “Which way is Alaska?”
The fisherman points his finger: “That way!”
“Thanks!” says the American, shouts “South-South-East, bearing 159.5 degrees!” down the hatch and the submarine submerges.
Ten minutes later a Soviet submarine emerges. The Russian captain opens the hatch and asks the fisherman: “Where did the American submarine go?”
The fisherman replies: “South-South-East bearing 159.5 degrees!”
“What?”, asked Russian captain.
“I said, they went to South-South-East bearing 159.5 degrees!”
“What did you mean of that? You’d better show us the direction with your finger, if
you don’t want us to sink you!”
Orientation : German fisherman… surfaced near him.
Event 1 : The captain asked… submarine submerges.
Event 2 : Ten minutes later… bearing 159.5 degrees!”
Twist : “What did you mean of that? You’d better show us the direction with your finger, if
you don’t want us to sink you!”
Buying A Broom
A woman was buying a broom in a store.
“Show me that one, please,” she says to the salesgirl.
The salesgirl brings it to her.
“No, that’s not what I want,” says the woman.
“Perhaps this one?” suggests the salesgirl.
“No, not that one either.”
“What about this one then?” The girl keeps on trying.
After twenty minutes more of this the woman says: “Very well, this one will do.”
“Madam,” says the harassed salesgirl, “Shall I wrap it for you or will you fly it home?”
Orientation : A woman was buying a broom in a store.
Event : “Show me that… one will do.”
Twist : “Madam,” says the harassed salesgirl, “Shall I wrap it for you or will you fly it home?”
There was an advertisement at the newspaper : Apartment for rent, just for a family without children.
A man visited to that apartment, think for a moment, then agree with the rules. But tomorrow, he move to the apartment with his wife and seven kids!! The owner of apartment gets angry.
“Sir, yesterday I was telling you! This apartment was just for rent for a family without children!”
“What children?” answer the man. “You said this seven are children? No!! They’re monsters!”
Orientation : There was an… without children.
Event : A man visited to… a family without children!”
Twist : “What children?” answer the man. “You said this seven are children? No!! They’re monsters!”
Costumers Are Right
Marto had apprenticeship at repairing shop in middle semester holiday. In the third day, Marto fought with the costumer. Then he called by the owner.
“Marto, your behavior was very bad. The all of workers at this repairing shop are prohibited to fight with the costumer. In this repairing shop, the costumers are always right!”
“But sir…” Marto can’t continuing his words because being cut by the owner.
“Don’t be protest! Ok, I will forgive you. But next time don’t be happen again. Now tell me, what happened with that costumer?” asked the owner of repairing shop.
“We fought because the costumer said that the owner of repairing shop was pettifogging and likes to corrupt…” said Marto.
Orientation : Marto had apprenticeship… Then he called by the owner.
Event : “Marto, your behavior… asked the owner of repairing shop.
Twist : “We fought because the costumer said that the owner of repairing shop was pettifogging and likes to corrupt…” said Marto.
Ian, Marto and Harsya have climbed the mountain. The roads to the mountain pass was very slippery because of rain. Even they are walking carefully, on their way to the mount, Ian got slipped and fell to the cliff. Marto threw the rope to helping Ian.
“Ian, hold this rope! I will pull up you!” shouted Marto.
“I can’t… Both of my arms are broken!” answer Ian.
“Ok, bite the rope!” said Marto.
After Ian bite that rope, Marto and Harsya pull up Ian steeply. Finally Ian can reach the edge of cliff. Harsya, who worried with his friend, asked Ian when Ian still biting the rope.
“Your head are okay, Ian?” asked Harsya.
“No, Harsya!” answer Ian.
Then Ian fell again to the cliff.
Orientation : Ian, Marto and Harsya… the rope to helping Ian.
Event 1 : “Ian, hold this rope! … said Marto.
Event 2 : After Ian bite… “No, Harsya!” answer Ian.
Twist : Then Ian fell again to the cliff.
A month ago, Tama and his family sells juice, like tomato juice, orange juice, etc. But because of the costumers were didn’t really like the juices, so Tama’s family closed the selling juice and opened farming medicine shop like insecticide, pesticide, compost, etc.
One night later, Dea met with Tama. Tama’s head was bandaged, and his eyes was black-blue.
“What happened with you?” asked Dea.
“I have been hit by the costumer” answered Tama.
“Hit by costumer? Why?”
“Yeah, yesterday at the afternoon, I was selling farming medicine. Then a costumer came in and asked for liquid pesticide. Subconciously, I said like when I sell the juice a month ago,’Do you want to pack it or drink here?’. Finally I got hit by the costumer…”
Orientation : A month ago… compost, etc.
Event : One night later… liquid pesticide.
Twist : Subconciously, I said like when I sell the juice a month ago,’Do you want to pack it or drink here?’. Finally I got hit by the costumer…”
One day a man give a humor in Bus Halte to a woman,
“You know why police always walk in pairs?”
“This is special : One can reading, and the others can writing”
Suddenly a hand holding the man’s shoulder. That’s the police behind him!
“Your paper!” barks him.
The man gave his humor paper, and the police read it. Then he nod at his friend and said, “Write traffic ticket letter because he insult Soviet Police, Vasya”
Orientation : One day a man give a humor in Bus Halte to a woman,
Event : “You know why police… The man gave his humor paper, and the police read it.
Twist : Then he nod at his friend and said, “Write traffic ticket letter because he insult Soviet Police, Vasya”
Lenin in Polandia
An artist was presenting his best painting about relationship between Soviet and Poland. The title was “Lenin in Poland”.
Of course many people want to see it. So, one day all of people come to Kremlin to see it. But then people was very surprised. The painting was not Lenin, but Lenin’s wife, Nadezhda Krupskaya kissing with Leon Trotsky.
“But this is degradation! Where is Lenin?” ask them.
The artist answered, “Lenin in Poland”.
Orientation : An artist was presenting his best painting about relationship between Soviet and Poland. The title was “Lenin in Poland”.
Event : Of course many people want … Where is Lenin?” ask them.
Twist :The artist answered, “Lenin in Poland”.
One day a doctor brought his daughter to his clinic. While she waits in the clinic, the doctor leaving her for meeting in hospital.
One hour later, he back again to the clinic. He surprised when he look his daughter hold the stethoscope. The doctor crying and said,
“Thanks God! She follow my path as Doctor!”
The daughter saw at him, and she put the stethoscope at her mouth and she said “Welcome to Burger Restaurant. What do you want for eat? Eat here or take away?”
Orientation: One day a doctor brought his daughter to his clinic. While she waits in the clinic, the doctor leaving her for meeting in hospital.
Events : One hour later … She follow my path as Doctor!”
Twist : The daughter saw at him, and she put the stethoscope at her mouth and she said “Welcome to Burger Restaurant. What do you want for eat? Eat here or take away?”
Don’t Need To Read it
A president give speech at Olympiad.
“O!” applause again.
“O!” applause more loud.
“O!” applause more loud again.
“O!!!” some of people stand up and give applause very loud. The president’s counselor run to podium and whisper to president,
“Mister, that was circle symbols of Olympiad! You don’t need to read it!”
Orientation : A president give speech at Olympiad.
Events : “O!” … and whisper to president,
Twist : “Mister, that was circle symbols of Olympiad! You don’t need to read it!”
Harsya very dislike Mathematics. Because of that, he always feeling pain when he attend the Math class.
One day the teacher ask him
“Three plus five plus four plus seven equals?”
Harsya confused and only answered “I don’t know, sir.”
“Okay Harsya. I’ll make it easy. If three mango, plus five cucumber, plus four guava and plus seven pineapple, it equals….?” said the teacher.
“Rujak” answer Harsya quickly.
Orientation : Harsya very dislike Mathematics. Because of that, he always feeling pain when he attend the Math class.
Events : One day the teacher ask him … said the teacher.
Twist : “Rujak” answer Harsya quickly.
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